Monday, April 16, 2007
My last formal
Formal was this weekend and I had a pretty good time. I managed to get off of work for the spring game for it. I arranged to get a ride with Sachin. In the car was Sachin, his date, Matt Gorski, and his date. Sachin told me to be ready at 5:45 so I was. We didn't get going until probably about 6:30. This isn't the first time Sachin has done this and I find it disappointing. I am a pretty easy going guy but I think it shows a lack of respect for other people's time and I am going to try and learn from the mistakes of others and not have that attitude towards other people's time.
My dad always said "A fool can learn from his own mistakes, it takes a smart man to learn from the mistakes of others"
By the time we picked up everyone else, got gas, stopped for food, and stopped for booze it was 7:30. The trip up to the mountains, a stop at Gorski's place for skis, and getting stuck in the snow and putting on chains later and it was 10:30 by the time we arrived. This proved to be a problem because my date got there five hours before and was pretty geezied up and already being attacked by Chris Hancock. Of all of my brothers Chris is the only one that is not only sleazy enough but also with enough game to steal my date so I was pretty worried. I had only met my date a few times so there was not a solid commitment, and pretty attractive. His head start did not bode well for me.
When things started to go his way I pulled a little move that worked pretty well. I guilted him. I told him that it was going to be a difficult formal for me anyway because of Kim and Lance and that I would appreciate it if he didn't make it a ton worse. Even though it was true that if my date ditched me it would have made my situation worse, I ginned it up a bit for my benefit. Is manipulating someone really so bad? He shouldn't have been flirting with my date anyway. Chris backed off and I was able to hang out with Kellan a bit. We did some body shots, she gave and I received. We did some dancing and eventually she fell asleep on the couch, presumed very drunk.
Being a senior, I had a pretty big bed and I didn’t think it should go to waste. I did something I am not especially proud of. My little brother Noah took a girl, Chanel, who I have hooked up with before. Since then I realized that Noah really likes her and was pushing me to hook up with her because he didn’t know how to act. I went into the night with a plan not to hook up with her for that reason but with my date passed out and splitting her time between me and Chris, I made a bad decision. I was drunk. For brevity sake let’s just say she slept in my room.
The next day we all went skiing and I knew this was a good opportunity for me. Tao of Steve says, “Be desireless, be excellent, be gone.” The “Be Excellent” part means that you have to do something to prove your worthiness to a girl. A girl needs something to brag about to her friends the day after she hooks up with you. I can be excellent in a few ways, but not many in a way that is more impressive than skiing. There were a ton of us and I made sure to stick with Kellan and well be excellent. And I was, very much so. We had a lot of fun skiing.
Somehow, at the same time I also managed to get another girl’s phone number. This girl Gina who I have skied with before. She is a really good skier, especially for a girl and also pretty sexy, a definite ding. That way if the Kellan thing didn’t work out I could schedule the next bus to be on the way. I was encouraging Kellan to try out the jumps in the Gold King park and gave her some instructions on how to succeed. She tried the jumps, which I deemed as a good sign, I think peer pressure is more effective from someone you want to impress, a la me. Unfortunately, she did not follow my advice and hurt herself pretty badly. I managed to throw down and earned some awesome points but she was done for the day.
I think when Kellan got hurt it proved to work out pretty well. We went to the base and I hung out with her while everyone else skied. With some time by ourselves I was able to spit my game. Being my awesome self I earned some points and was still able to ski the last 2 hours of the day when she got a ride back to take a nap. I had a great time just chilling at the base with Kellan and that was maybe the most fun part of formal. Unfortunately, I was hoping that Saturday night would be more fun.
Saturday night didn’t really work out so well. For some reason I got sick. After only two beers I got a stomach ache and threw up shortly after dinner. I threw up one more time after trying to get back in it with some 151. This was a turning point, I am not sure if Kellan knew because I looked sick, she saw me lose it, or if I just smelled bad or something but I wasn’t getting the same reaction. She was not slurping me like she had all day. She also got drunk and was kind of ignoring me. Eventually she got so drunk she threw up and passed out, very freshmen. I spent the rest of the night just hanging out with my friends and their dates and had fun. Even if we didn’t have a chance of hooking up I would have preferred just having the company of a date while hanging with my friends and their dates.
The next morning when she said goodbye she gave me a kiss and told me to call her when we get back to Boulder. I am a little confused but I do have a best running theory. My theory is that Chris was option 1 and I was option 1a. I have done this many times when I am interested in two girls at a party. I will work option 1, and keep 1a at bay until I need her. She is interested as long as I keep option 1a away. I will wait the three days and give her a call and try to work it.
The moral of the story, give Kellan a shot, but there is another bus coming.
My dad always said "A fool can learn from his own mistakes, it takes a smart man to learn from the mistakes of others"
By the time we picked up everyone else, got gas, stopped for food, and stopped for booze it was 7:30. The trip up to the mountains, a stop at Gorski's place for skis, and getting stuck in the snow and putting on chains later and it was 10:30 by the time we arrived. This proved to be a problem because my date got there five hours before and was pretty geezied up and already being attacked by Chris Hancock. Of all of my brothers Chris is the only one that is not only sleazy enough but also with enough game to steal my date so I was pretty worried. I had only met my date a few times so there was not a solid commitment, and pretty attractive. His head start did not bode well for me.
When things started to go his way I pulled a little move that worked pretty well. I guilted him. I told him that it was going to be a difficult formal for me anyway because of Kim and Lance and that I would appreciate it if he didn't make it a ton worse. Even though it was true that if my date ditched me it would have made my situation worse, I ginned it up a bit for my benefit. Is manipulating someone really so bad? He shouldn't have been flirting with my date anyway. Chris backed off and I was able to hang out with Kellan a bit. We did some body shots, she gave and I received. We did some dancing and eventually she fell asleep on the couch, presumed very drunk.
Being a senior, I had a pretty big bed and I didn’t think it should go to waste. I did something I am not especially proud of. My little brother Noah took a girl, Chanel, who I have hooked up with before. Since then I realized that Noah really likes her and was pushing me to hook up with her because he didn’t know how to act. I went into the night with a plan not to hook up with her for that reason but with my date passed out and splitting her time between me and Chris, I made a bad decision. I was drunk. For brevity sake let’s just say she slept in my room.
The next day we all went skiing and I knew this was a good opportunity for me. Tao of Steve says, “Be desireless, be excellent, be gone.” The “Be Excellent” part means that you have to do something to prove your worthiness to a girl. A girl needs something to brag about to her friends the day after she hooks up with you. I can be excellent in a few ways, but not many in a way that is more impressive than skiing. There were a ton of us and I made sure to stick with Kellan and well be excellent. And I was, very much so. We had a lot of fun skiing.
Somehow, at the same time I also managed to get another girl’s phone number. This girl Gina who I have skied with before. She is a really good skier, especially for a girl and also pretty sexy, a definite ding. That way if the Kellan thing didn’t work out I could schedule the next bus to be on the way. I was encouraging Kellan to try out the jumps in the Gold King park and gave her some instructions on how to succeed. She tried the jumps, which I deemed as a good sign, I think peer pressure is more effective from someone you want to impress, a la me. Unfortunately, she did not follow my advice and hurt herself pretty badly. I managed to throw down and earned some awesome points but she was done for the day.
I think when Kellan got hurt it proved to work out pretty well. We went to the base and I hung out with her while everyone else skied. With some time by ourselves I was able to spit my game. Being my awesome self I earned some points and was still able to ski the last 2 hours of the day when she got a ride back to take a nap. I had a great time just chilling at the base with Kellan and that was maybe the most fun part of formal. Unfortunately, I was hoping that Saturday night would be more fun.
Saturday night didn’t really work out so well. For some reason I got sick. After only two beers I got a stomach ache and threw up shortly after dinner. I threw up one more time after trying to get back in it with some 151. This was a turning point, I am not sure if Kellan knew because I looked sick, she saw me lose it, or if I just smelled bad or something but I wasn’t getting the same reaction. She was not slurping me like she had all day. She also got drunk and was kind of ignoring me. Eventually she got so drunk she threw up and passed out, very freshmen. I spent the rest of the night just hanging out with my friends and their dates and had fun. Even if we didn’t have a chance of hooking up I would have preferred just having the company of a date while hanging with my friends and their dates.
The next morning when she said goodbye she gave me a kiss and told me to call her when we get back to Boulder. I am a little confused but I do have a best running theory. My theory is that Chris was option 1 and I was option 1a. I have done this many times when I am interested in two girls at a party. I will work option 1, and keep 1a at bay until I need her. She is interested as long as I keep option 1a away. I will wait the three days and give her a call and try to work it.
The moral of the story, give Kellan a shot, but there is another bus coming.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Update
I have been pretty lax on writing and keeping up. For one, my teacher is no longer requiring us to keep one every day. Also, my computer is dying. I have noticed that there is definately an addicitive element to journal writing. The relief from reflecting on issues that I am dealing with and the satisfaction that I feel after doing it can provide for withdrawl when I have not done it in a while.
The future employment front has been very exciting the last few days. I have started hearing back from football teams and even though the Broncos and Bengals are not interested the Dolphins said they would consider my resume after the draft which is a promising sign. They also have an extensive internship program so that might work too. I also have gotten some feedback from my boss at CU that a position with them is not entirely out of the question. He did not say it directly but with reading a little into it I got that impression. I havn't really heard anything from Lockheed Martin and I don't really know what to expect. I don't really think that is what I want to do even if they offered me a job anyway. It is good to have options though. It also could give me enough leverage to help convince CU to pay me. Thinking about having my dream job in a few months just blows my mind. What a different and fufilling life that can be.
Spending Spring Break in Breckenridge was a lot of fun. I was able to have time to read a lot of thesportseconomist. It is amazing how much joy I get from reading that website. I feel like I learn more reading that website for an hour than I do in a week of school. I also think that I can read it subjectively and am doing more than accepting the opinions of the writers. I have accepted the fact that I did not pick the correct major. If I could take the decision over again I would have chosen economics. This brings up another interesting question, The econ department at CU is awful. Most of the teachers I have had are uninspiring at best. More importantly, the econ students are in the major because it is easy and there are few classes you need to take to earn a degree. Being surrounded by the lesser half of CU students damages the learning environment. Outside of class, CU has been the most fufilling decision in my life. Overall, is it possible that I would have perferred going to another school? I do not think there is really enough information to answer this question, but what if I went to Clemson and the head of the department and teacher was the guy I love reading and learn so much from at thesportseconomist. That could be an incredibly fufilling experience. I have at the very least enjoyed entertaining the thought and it has opened my eyes.
The two other big changing things in my life have been the starting of my youth flag football league and dealing with girls.
As far as my flag football league I am very excited to get started on this. I have put more thought into the things that get me really excited about it and compeition is a big part of it. I wonder if being part of the front office will remove me enough from the result where I will not get that thrill of competition. As soon as I get my foot in the door I would like to work towards becoming a coach if it is possible. Either way I am anticipating further domination from my Boulder Bears.
As much as I hate to admit it I am not over my relationship with Kim and I am not over dealing with her relationship with Lance, that is the truth. At times, I am motivated by wanting to do things that will bother Kim. I have at times acted on these feelings, it is like "maybe by ignoring her I can upset her". Fortunately, both her and Lance were not here for the party this weekend so I did not have to deal with that and could just do my own thing without being emotionally charged.
I learned why it can be hard for two people who once were in a commited relationship to remain friends. The things that help one get over the relationship, meeting new people mostly, are the same things that make the other one angry. How can two people remain friends when one's happiness comes at the expense of the other. As difficult of a situation as that sounds I am compelled to try to remain friends anyway. One, Why? Two, How? This might require further reflection later.
Coming up next weekend is formal and truth be told there really is no one I am excited about asking and taking . This is the first time it has been like this. All of the girls I have met here either this semester or earlier I have not talked to in a while or I am not that attracted to them or there is some other problem. With about 5 people telling me to ask Tiffany, including Tiffany, it is pretty obvious she really wants to go with me. Part of it is just that she wants to go because her friends are going and that is not really a compelling reason for me to take her. Another is that there isn't a lot of potential for making the night romantic which is something I would be looking for in a date. Possibly the biggest reason is that if I went with Tiffany I would have to be closer to a situation that can be potentially upseting. This could leave Tiffany and I seperated for a large portion of the evening. I am looking to bring a date and not a girl.
I also put up an ad on Craigslist to find a date, more for entertainment purposes but also with a realistic attempt to maybe meet someone worth taking. I did not expect to find someone worth taking, but it is possible and I have at least enjoyed the. So far I have gotten a few responses but nothing that has me closing down the search. I am sure it will work out, it always has.
When I have some more time I want to reflect on EV and its application to picking up girls at a party. Even though things worked out, I believe I did not make a correct EV decision and that I did not consider all of the facts. Maybe that had something to do with being drunk. I will have to reflect on it in more detauil later
The future employment front has been very exciting the last few days. I have started hearing back from football teams and even though the Broncos and Bengals are not interested the Dolphins said they would consider my resume after the draft which is a promising sign. They also have an extensive internship program so that might work too. I also have gotten some feedback from my boss at CU that a position with them is not entirely out of the question. He did not say it directly but with reading a little into it I got that impression. I havn't really heard anything from Lockheed Martin and I don't really know what to expect. I don't really think that is what I want to do even if they offered me a job anyway. It is good to have options though. It also could give me enough leverage to help convince CU to pay me. Thinking about having my dream job in a few months just blows my mind. What a different and fufilling life that can be.
Spending Spring Break in Breckenridge was a lot of fun. I was able to have time to read a lot of thesportseconomist. It is amazing how much joy I get from reading that website. I feel like I learn more reading that website for an hour than I do in a week of school. I also think that I can read it subjectively and am doing more than accepting the opinions of the writers. I have accepted the fact that I did not pick the correct major. If I could take the decision over again I would have chosen economics. This brings up another interesting question, The econ department at CU is awful. Most of the teachers I have had are uninspiring at best. More importantly, the econ students are in the major because it is easy and there are few classes you need to take to earn a degree. Being surrounded by the lesser half of CU students damages the learning environment. Outside of class, CU has been the most fufilling decision in my life. Overall, is it possible that I would have perferred going to another school? I do not think there is really enough information to answer this question, but what if I went to Clemson and the head of the department and teacher was the guy I love reading and learn so much from at thesportseconomist. That could be an incredibly fufilling experience. I have at the very least enjoyed entertaining the thought and it has opened my eyes.
The two other big changing things in my life have been the starting of my youth flag football league and dealing with girls.
As far as my flag football league I am very excited to get started on this. I have put more thought into the things that get me really excited about it and compeition is a big part of it. I wonder if being part of the front office will remove me enough from the result where I will not get that thrill of competition. As soon as I get my foot in the door I would like to work towards becoming a coach if it is possible. Either way I am anticipating further domination from my Boulder Bears.
As much as I hate to admit it I am not over my relationship with Kim and I am not over dealing with her relationship with Lance, that is the truth. At times, I am motivated by wanting to do things that will bother Kim. I have at times acted on these feelings, it is like "maybe by ignoring her I can upset her". Fortunately, both her and Lance were not here for the party this weekend so I did not have to deal with that and could just do my own thing without being emotionally charged.
I learned why it can be hard for two people who once were in a commited relationship to remain friends. The things that help one get over the relationship, meeting new people mostly, are the same things that make the other one angry. How can two people remain friends when one's happiness comes at the expense of the other. As difficult of a situation as that sounds I am compelled to try to remain friends anyway. One, Why? Two, How? This might require further reflection later.
Coming up next weekend is formal and truth be told there really is no one I am excited about asking and taking . This is the first time it has been like this. All of the girls I have met here either this semester or earlier I have not talked to in a while or I am not that attracted to them or there is some other problem. With about 5 people telling me to ask Tiffany, including Tiffany, it is pretty obvious she really wants to go with me. Part of it is just that she wants to go because her friends are going and that is not really a compelling reason for me to take her. Another is that there isn't a lot of potential for making the night romantic which is something I would be looking for in a date. Possibly the biggest reason is that if I went with Tiffany I would have to be closer to a situation that can be potentially upseting. This could leave Tiffany and I seperated for a large portion of the evening. I am looking to bring a date and not a girl.
I also put up an ad on Craigslist to find a date, more for entertainment purposes but also with a realistic attempt to maybe meet someone worth taking. I did not expect to find someone worth taking, but it is possible and I have at least enjoyed the. So far I have gotten a few responses but nothing that has me closing down the search. I am sure it will work out, it always has.
When I have some more time I want to reflect on EV and its application to picking up girls at a party. Even though things worked out, I believe I did not make a correct EV decision and that I did not consider all of the facts. Maybe that had something to do with being drunk. I will have to reflect on it in more detauil later
Monday, March 26, 2007
Spring Break, Finally
I have been up in Breckenridge since Thursday night. I went on a major spurt of work right before leaving. Between all of my classes, work, and the fraternity I was busy from dawn til dusk from Tuesday until I left on Thursday night. I also managed to send off all of my resumes to about 15 NFL teams. Now I am in a spot where I have very little school work for the rest of the year. Since Thursday however it has been a diferent story. I have been skiing all day and relaxing all night for four days now and I still have six days left.
I wonder what I can do to make more out of my time. With my personal mission statement in mind I want to use this sort of free time somewhat more productively and contribute to my personal growth. One way that I am growing is in skiing. I have been getting better this week and by the end of the week I want to land my first 540 (one and a half spins). Another thing I like about skiing is getting better at meeting people. I think the skills you practice there can help you in a lot of ways. In business situations being good at small talk can leave a good impression with people you only have a moment to talk to. I also think being comfortable meeting new people can help with meeting girls. One of my best qualities is that I can be myself around new people and not shy away.
I wonder what I can do to make more out of my time. With my personal mission statement in mind I want to use this sort of free time somewhat more productively and contribute to my personal growth. One way that I am growing is in skiing. I have been getting better this week and by the end of the week I want to land my first 540 (one and a half spins). Another thing I like about skiing is getting better at meeting people. I think the skills you practice there can help you in a lot of ways. In business situations being good at small talk can leave a good impression with people you only have a moment to talk to. I also think being comfortable meeting new people can help with meeting girls. One of my best qualities is that I can be myself around new people and not shy away.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Problem with keeping an open journal
I have found the first major problem with keeping a journal public like I have in this case. I am unable to reflect on something that was said to me in private with the understanding that it was not public information. While I have tried to maintain an open policy with my friends and family most people are not comfortable with the truth. My thoughts and feelings are out there, but I can not do that to someone else who has put their trust in me. While it has intrigued me I feel I have thought enough about it to know where I stand and how my actions should be affected by it.
Today I finally took another step in my job search and hopefully will be sending out my resume, cover letter, and recommendations tomorrow or Thursday. I printed my cover letter on CU stationary. I decided it would be easier to ask for forgiveness than permission and I kind of just did it. I am not really misrepresenting myself but I wonder if Mark or Tuck would care. It may have been selfish but it was important enough to me to take a risk. Now all I need is a job.
Today I finally took another step in my job search and hopefully will be sending out my resume, cover letter, and recommendations tomorrow or Thursday. I printed my cover letter on CU stationary. I decided it would be easier to ask for forgiveness than permission and I kind of just did it. I am not really misrepresenting myself but I wonder if Mark or Tuck would care. It may have been selfish but it was important enough to me to take a risk. Now all I need is a job.
I'm so Bald
What a wild weekend. Saturday morning I woke up incredibly early in order to help the football team with Junior day. Everything in the morning went incredibly well and I was being helpful and productive. At 11:00 I left to go to the Republic to get my head shaved for St. Baldricks. This took incredibly longer than I had hoped. I was thinking it would take an hour but instead it took three. I guess it was really successful. I raised 200 dollars and my team raised almost $3,000. After that I went back to work and I was incredibly unhelpful and worthless. I don’t think my bosses noticed but I just wish I was more familiar with the program and the facility so I could make a bigger difference. I got treated to dinner by one of my bosses Robert Tucker (Tuck). It was myself and three other guys and a girl from our office. During dinner I brought up things that didn’t go so well and how they maybe could go better. When Melissa went to the bathroom Tuck told me that I shouldn’t talk about it and should just be positive. It is an interesting thing to consider. The CU team has such a policy of only positive thinking and talking that I wonder if it gets in the way of improvement. It is great to have a positive attitude but I think neglecting the things that did not go so well does not lend itself to improvement. As long as it’s not negativity for it’s own sake, constructive criticism is part of success.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Job Progress
I have done some more work lately on my job search. My progress with Lockheed Martin is out of my hands, I am waiting for contact either from Jamie or one of his bosses. I am on the last draft of my cover letter for the football teams. I sent it to my mom and Tom Flores to ask for revisions. My resume is complete. All I need to do is finish the cover letter and send it to all of the teams. I also just received Mike Reinfeldt’s phone number and I will be contacting him either this weekend or Monday. Today was also the Pro day at CU where all of the NFL scouts came to Boulder to check out our potential draftees. It will be interesting to see how I think the players performed and how that affects their draft status and maybe even their NFL success. It was also interesting because I got to see people performing my (hopefully) future profession up close. I wish I had more nerves to talk to them when I had the chance but they all seemed very busy. Maybe if I had been with the team longer I would have felt more comfortable. Of the 38 items on my list of things to do, I have kept up with the five that I am to do daily. I have completed 10 of them and have made progress on a few others. I’d say I am making good progress.
Wise Words
Well I have conducted my research and have reached some conclusions on a course of action. I think two major factors can contribute to me being more comfortable with the Lance-Kim situation. One is time, since I have no control over it I can consider it but it really won’t affect my decision making. The other is meeting other people and moving on in a way. Based on these results I will avoid situations where the two of them are together if seeing them makes it not worthwhile, or at least not as good as an otherwise second best option. Also, creating situations where I can meet other girls will probably help me and my relationship with Lance and Kim so I will try to increase those opportunities.
Today I read a couple of articles my mom sent me written by Tal Ben-Shahar. A cool thing about letting people into my deepest inner thoughts is that they can provide insight and I can learn from multiple perspectives. The two articles were “Active Acceptance” and “Permission to Feel”. Both were about dealing with emotions, especially emotions that are shameful or upsetting. Both articles concluded that having these feelings are normal and healthy. Suppressing them will only make things worse and that you should be open with people that are causing your emotions even if they are shameful. The main thing that I took out of it was to be more accepting of my humanness. I believe I have been open and honest but my humanness in this situation upset me. I have grown more comfortable with the fact that I can be reactive and not responsive. One of my favorite quotes was in the active acceptance article.
"(Ask for) the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can change, and for the wisdom to know the difference."
Anyone who yells at the traffic in front of them should take this quote to heart. But so should anyone who sees a problem they can fix and complains but shows no resolve. This is as good of a quote as any to live your life by.
Today I read a couple of articles my mom sent me written by Tal Ben-Shahar. A cool thing about letting people into my deepest inner thoughts is that they can provide insight and I can learn from multiple perspectives. The two articles were “Active Acceptance” and “Permission to Feel”. Both were about dealing with emotions, especially emotions that are shameful or upsetting. Both articles concluded that having these feelings are normal and healthy. Suppressing them will only make things worse and that you should be open with people that are causing your emotions even if they are shameful. The main thing that I took out of it was to be more accepting of my humanness. I believe I have been open and honest but my humanness in this situation upset me. I have grown more comfortable with the fact that I can be reactive and not responsive. One of my favorite quotes was in the active acceptance article.
"(Ask for) the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can change, and for the wisdom to know the difference."
Anyone who yells at the traffic in front of them should take this quote to heart. But so should anyone who sees a problem they can fix and complains but shows no resolve. This is as good of a quote as any to live your life by.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
JOB
It’s been real busy with working to try and get a job. Things have picked up at CU and I can tell that my supervisors really appreciate what I bring to the table. They respect my skill set. That could come in handy if I gave them as a reference or if things don’t work out elsewhere and I want to ask them to hire me.
Tomorrow is our pro day which means scouts will be in from every NFL team to watch our players play. I might get a chance to meet them and get some insight. At the very least I will get to see what they do, who they are, and how they act.
Saturday is also a big day. Not only is it St. Patty’s day it is also St. Balderick’s day and Junior day. I will wake up, go to Jr. day, get my head shaved, go back to Jr. day, than try to have a fun night partying. I better get some sleep Friday night. I also have spent the last hour putting together a list of teams and contacts I will be sending my information to. I am beginning to think it will be hard to get feedback from most of the teams but hopeful that I can get a hand from Cachaulo’s uncle Mike Reinfeldt.
Tomorrow is our pro day which means scouts will be in from every NFL team to watch our players play. I might get a chance to meet them and get some insight. At the very least I will get to see what they do, who they are, and how they act.
Saturday is also a big day. Not only is it St. Patty’s day it is also St. Balderick’s day and Junior day. I will wake up, go to Jr. day, get my head shaved, go back to Jr. day, than try to have a fun night partying. I better get some sleep Friday night. I also have spent the last hour putting together a list of teams and contacts I will be sending my information to. I am beginning to think it will be hard to get feedback from most of the teams but hopeful that I can get a hand from Cachaulo’s uncle Mike Reinfeldt.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Birthday and related thoughts
Yesterday was my birthday and I think it would be good to reflect on it here. One of the things I really like about it is being the center of attention in a way. People treat you well and help make it special even in small ways. I got taken out to lunch. I got a couple of free beers at home. My friends took me out to the sink and paid for all of my drinks. But just hearing happy birthday from friends, classmates, and co-workers is just a nice thing. It is amazing how receptive people are to mood and gesturing. You can do yourself a tremendous favor by always being positive, personal, and actively nice. I will try to be extra sensitive to making people feel like I am truly glad to see them. I expect terrific returns.
Seeing that my personal mission statement is to maximize my happiness, I usually focus on more long term issues. I am in a stage in my life where I can work hard to set the tone for a lot of happiness to come. Lately however, as I have been speaking a lot of, my immediate happiness has been very affected by my relationship with Kim and my relationship with Lance and the relationship between them. Going out to celebrate my 22nd birthday it made sense to invite both of them because they are both good friends of mine. Being together with the two of them definitely affected me. I’d say it had a 20% affect. Not overwhelming but at least a nuisance.
I got to rethink my plan and figure this out a bit. The pain involved definitely affects my happiness. As I mentioned before, I want to be able to get over it and be unaffected by it. Currently, I can not see either one without thinking of the other and how it bothers me. This is bad because I want to be friends with both of them and my current feelings makes that really difficult. I think a very central question is: Can I get over it faster by exposing myself to it? Or conversely, Can I get over it faster by avoiding it? Avoiding it completely, would require sacrifices that I am not willing to make. But with making reasonable exceptions I can make a point to avoid potentially upsetting situations. Because this is such new territory for me, it is probably best to consult friends that have been through something similar. If I decide that the best way is to expose myself to it, than that will make decision making easier but maybe more painful for a while. If it just takes time, I would rather avoid them when I can but not miss things that would still be worthwhile. If I will extend this stage by being around them, I should avoid them even sometimes in situations that I still want to go to, in order to reach my goal of comfort.
I need to find an answer to this question. I need to focus on being positive and personal with people even those I only know casually. Along with the thought of leaving good impressions with people, I want to have a sit down with Jake and let him know that I appreciate his support, Kenny to let him know that I am proud of his commitment, and with Mike to let him know what I am going through and settle anything that might be left between us.
Seeing that my personal mission statement is to maximize my happiness, I usually focus on more long term issues. I am in a stage in my life where I can work hard to set the tone for a lot of happiness to come. Lately however, as I have been speaking a lot of, my immediate happiness has been very affected by my relationship with Kim and my relationship with Lance and the relationship between them. Going out to celebrate my 22nd birthday it made sense to invite both of them because they are both good friends of mine. Being together with the two of them definitely affected me. I’d say it had a 20% affect. Not overwhelming but at least a nuisance.
I got to rethink my plan and figure this out a bit. The pain involved definitely affects my happiness. As I mentioned before, I want to be able to get over it and be unaffected by it. Currently, I can not see either one without thinking of the other and how it bothers me. This is bad because I want to be friends with both of them and my current feelings makes that really difficult. I think a very central question is: Can I get over it faster by exposing myself to it? Or conversely, Can I get over it faster by avoiding it? Avoiding it completely, would require sacrifices that I am not willing to make. But with making reasonable exceptions I can make a point to avoid potentially upsetting situations. Because this is such new territory for me, it is probably best to consult friends that have been through something similar. If I decide that the best way is to expose myself to it, than that will make decision making easier but maybe more painful for a while. If it just takes time, I would rather avoid them when I can but not miss things that would still be worthwhile. If I will extend this stage by being around them, I should avoid them even sometimes in situations that I still want to go to, in order to reach my goal of comfort.
I need to find an answer to this question. I need to focus on being positive and personal with people even those I only know casually. Along with the thought of leaving good impressions with people, I want to have a sit down with Jake and let him know that I appreciate his support, Kenny to let him know that I am proud of his commitment, and with Mike to let him know what I am going through and settle anything that might be left between us.
